Hi Dolls,

Being stuck in bed with a bug has its benefits - I am finally getting around to watching some movies that I have been meaning to watch!

Cairo Time really got to me, one thing in particular - the difference in lifestyles between Tareq, a retired, Arab cop and Juliette, a magazine editor from North America. In Cairo, Juliette is forced to slow down and move on Cairo time - a stark difference to the West where life if about: acquiring, accomplishing, deadlines and running, running, running.

Tareq poses a question to Juliette in the movie - how many hours do you work a day? At first Juliette answers 8 and then changes that answer to a more realistic 12+ hours (depending on deadlines). Tareq says to her - that is no life, here in Cairo - we work until about 3 and then we go home and relax with our family and start putting together some plans for the evening ahead with our family and friends. Although this is circumstantial (not true of everyone’s life in Cairo) it got me thinking about my own life.

Like Juliette, I am 24/7, one-woman, working machine. When I’m not studying, or researching, or writing, I’m reading the business section or watching the news. I have my PC and laptop going at all times - and I’m usually also looking up something else on my phone. I get limited sleep and have to pump horrible things into my body to keep going: coke zero and sugar. I don’t have time to go to yoga, or to plant things in my new garden patch or even to take care of my body properly.

I look at my dear, dear friend - she is having a baby soon, is living with her beautiful partner, is part of various community groups, does a bit of modelling and is very happy - a lot more so than she used to be.

The times when I am most happy, are when I am with my family - spending time with my Pop, throwing a ball for my dog, doing the crossword with my Dad, going for a walk with my Mum and cooking and eating with my friends. The times I get to do these things are very few and far between. 

I am very grateful to have the opportunity to study and I see the importance of my degree but I am counting down the days until I am free and I can’t start to indulge the topics that I actually want to learn about, the things that put a fire in my belly like: women’s rights, environmental protection, community imbalances and indigenous rights. My degree is 90% something I hate - to access the 10% that I find stimulating. I am proud and confident in my skills as a business woman, but I am dying to sink my teeth into something (that I perceive as) actually worthwhile.

I chose my degree because I wanted to become a successful woman that could employ and support my sister and my family. Turns out they don’t need me for that, they just need me to be happy and well - and around!

My Pop has always told me that it doesn’t matter where you work, or what your job role is, as long as the people you work with are nice and you are treated like a valued member of the team. He is a very wise man.

One year to go. I am looking forward to getting my time back - that’s when you’ll see the big things from me!

xoxo B

1. Buy a better camera and take a photography class

2. Book my trip to Cairns

3. Get back into yoga

4. Plant some sunflowers in my garden patch

5. Study things that I am actually interested in

xo B

Sometimes I worry that my love of pink out-shadows my design aesthetics.

There is a creative eye living inside of me and I want to be taken seriously creatively - without giving up my love of pink! Pink to me is fun - but I would never design a completely pink house for someone! I would tap into their: personality, lifestyle and interests.

xo B

If I post a picture of a bunny:

Or anything bedazzled:

Or anything in a teacup:

Or a bun:

I will get more likes than anything I have ever written.

Hi Dollies,

I am trying this new thing where I don’t buy anything I don’t need (and I mean need, not want) because as much as I love shopping, I love the environment more and I want it to be around for future generations.

So far (the last 2 weeks), it has felt good to ignore the purchases that I have lusted after, because that’s all it is after all - lust. To be perfectly honest, I have everything (and more) that I need. Although I like to be creative with the way that I dress - I am actually a lot more creative when I’m not buying anything new. It makes me think more about what I’ve already got and how to put items together in new combos.

This break (although short) has pumped me with enthusiasm to “make do and mend” - so often I (instead of mending things) throw them out or buy a replacement. I’m really embarrassed to admit that because how easy is it to get out a needle and thread and fix it!

I am also wondering - at what point did I stop op shopping? It’s so much fun delving through the racks of clothes and it feeds me with creative inspiration “if I just cut that… nip that in…”. Some of my favourite cardies have been op shop finds and I have made a lot of cut-offs from old jeans - and received many compliments for them!

In a typical week I will buy a few items of clothes and maybe a pair of shoes - I have so many clothes now it makes me sick to think about it. Despite donating bags and bags every year - the incoming bags of clothes pretty much equal or exceed what went out.

I buy clothes when I’m sad or feeling insecure. Having something new makes it easier for me to go out to an event or even to uni. It makes me feel okay - but it’s only momentary - the minute it’s been worn, it’s no longer new and the effect is gone - I need something new again.

Although I don’t shop as much as I used to, I’m still not happy with where I’m at. It goes against my educated principles and the way that I want to live my life.

The more I learn, the more I can’t ignore the reality and the more I can’t support my current way of life. We as a Western society are so wasteful - the majority of girls my age (like myself) treat clothes as disposable - so many dresses in my cupboard I have worn only once or twice and some things I have never worn. I’m not proud of these confessions.

Because of my shopping habits - I haven’t saved up for my bike yet and I’m kicking myself!! That was something I was really enthused about - and I’m getting that goal back on track.

I’m hopeless at taking my green bag to the supermarket and I frequently forget my water bottle and have to buy one (which is so wasteful). I have improved with my electricity and water consumption however and I always recycle. I also try not to use my car too much and I make a hot water bottle instead of using my electric blanket (most nights).

I feel quite conflicted at the moment - I have always loved fashion and wanted to be involved in that world - but I know what that world does to people now and to the environment, and I can’t support that.

It’s hard to let go of something that you see as a huge part of you, I hope that I never let it go (fashion and my unique sense of style) entirely but that I learn to better integrate my values into my fashion decisions - buy better quality clothes that last longer, buy from companies that pay fair wages and don’t support sweat shops, go op shopping and make things. Not only will I feel happier within myself - at the end of the day, I will also save money - which I intend to use for traveling and further expanding my mind :)

xxxx B

Dear Bathing Person in a Teacup,

You are so cute and look very pretty swimming in that rose pink tea water. If you were mine, I would hope that my tea was lukewarm so that I may drink it straight away and allow you to stop holding your breath.

Love always,

B xxxx

Hi Dollies,

I love this room - the natural woods and thick, overhanging beams, the silver, earring-like light-fixtures, the overarching lamp and long, lean windows. Pops of: fuschias, plums and orange. Green glass bottles with bright sunlight shining through. A trunk like my Mothers, perhaps akin - burring secrets from the past. Shades of grey, tying it all together. It’s a beautiful grey, with a soft warmth - like my Mother’s eyes. White walls and bright, Spanish art. The overall feel is neat yet character filled and slightly shambolic. A lot of the aesthetics in this room remind me of my Mum - someone I tried my whole teenage life not to be like and who I now realise I am most like.

I love my Mums warm nature and her artistic eye - part innate, part learned from a former lover. I have always envied my Mum, in her youth she was a size 6 - a stunning, black-haired beauty. I used to wonder why I didn’t get to grow up to look like her - why I had to be stuck in my skin. She always had so many boys after her and her childhood was a lot more glamorous and exciting than mine - living overseas with amazing opportunities (I am wiser to it now though - I can’t imagine it was fun, or nurturing to have a father in the public eye).

Mum is an intellect, an amazing writer and the most beautiful guitar player you’ll ever know. She is fluent in French and went on lots of wild overseas adventures. She has the biggest heart and feels with such raw emotion. Her handwriting is so neat and juicy and she likes to sing cute, sunny tunes all the time at home. She doesn’t really cook much, she can - but we know that Dad does it better. She likes to draw and will go out of her way to support you towards any dream/goal you want to get to - including living in the country (away from her family) for my father.

The ability to make anyone feel warm and safe in a conversation is hers and she easily fills the gaps with fun facts and conversation re-starters. A sentimentalist, yet at the same time I feel she could cope with the loss of anything - she is a survivor and very strong. She cares about the environment and loves to learn about people’s backgrounds, celebrating their diversity. A loving wife and over-devoted teacher, we were brought up by her to be broadminded and passionate, yet whimsical and fun.

Mum hates maths, never knows where her glasses are (she owns 4 or 5 pairs) and has the loudest, most infectious cackle of a laugh. She wrecked her feet walking everywhere in high-heels in her youth, loves shiny bangles and her favourite colours are: blues and reds. Her house count (to date) is ten times the size of mine and when she was my age she wore flares and platforms (classy ones of course). In her late twenties she chose love over money and a man that provides the most calming stability over the one that provided a roller-coaster ride of fast-lane fun.

She’s given me every opportunity I’ve ever wanted, fed my creativity and made me believe that I am precious and that I deserve to be loved. She used to plant flowers outside my Kindy classroom so that I would be surrounded by pretty things at school and when I was young, she took several years off work just to paint butterflies on my face, dress up as fairies and play in our deep, magical back garden.

What broke her heart was when both of her daughters got sick. Unfortunately I was the second of the two, so I got lost in the kerfuffle. We grew apart, I couldn’t believe she wasn’t there to save me and so I looked to a young (incapable) boy to do it for her. My Mum has always over-protected me (much more so than she does my sister), not wanting my heart to get hurt like hers was - in the end, it happened anyway, despite her best intentions.

We have had a lot of similarities in our lives: we both had braces, we both had tough circumstances which meant we had to do our HSC over two years, we had our first serious boyfriends at the same age, we have both had really ‘black’ times in our lives, we both have never thought we were beautiful and we both (will) graduate at the same age.

I want some of the things she has had in her life: continual learning and education, travel, language, music, art and one day marriage and a baby :) I also want some other things. That’s why I love this room, it isn’t something she nor I would pick for ourselves, it represents the meeting point where my Mother and I join interests. Looking back now I think it’s funny that it took - completely ripping us apart - to bring us to this place of closeness, deep love and understanding. It’s a feeling and space that I can’t get enough of and these days, I can only hope to be half the person she is.

Love you Mum

xxxx B

Autumn is my favourite season.

I love the way the red and amber leaves crunch beneath my boots.

The crisp air makes me want to run, and jump and be free.

I skip along the concrete ledge at my university, brown beanie on my head and knitted animal mittens hanging from my coat.

Rosy red cheeks and a big warm smile, my brown curls bopping along to the skipping beat.

A speckle of sunlight trickling in through the grand, old, oak tree corridor, it ignites my honey eyes and creates a sunny spot on the grass for me to sit and warm my soul.

Mother ducks, leading their fast-growing chicks, foraging amongst the reeds.

A gentle breeze passes and I pull my jacket close, it hugs me tightly, as one would a lover. 

xo B

I can really relate to this song at the moment. I feel like I got pushed away by someone I care about very much. Their freedom (at this point) means more to them than having me. It hurt me very much.